You will get back up

by Tina Y. Gerber – McCurley

I was blessed to do palliative care and hospice care, within the community, and in Long-Term-Care. Even the most unexpected encounters can change our lives in profound ways. Family, marriage, means you’ve accumulated years of history, like those inside jokes, shared responsibilities, raising a family together and saying goodbyes to a loved one. We know death is an inevitable part of living and the death of a spouse is one of the hardest and most painful trials of all.

The three foundational concepts of Palliative Care are designed for the medical staff and families. They are effective communication, the ability to facilitate change, and effective group function. The individual and family members are unique. The team does share information, yet brings as much information as possible to the decision-making process. Hospice Care refers to therapies which aim to relieve suffering and improve quality of life, for an individual who is diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. End-of-life care (EOL) provides medical needs and aims to alleviate symptoms, to reduce pain and provide support, for the individual with high medical needs in their last days of their illness.

Most think the worst part would be watching someone die, and maybe for some it is. I am eager to go home to glory, when God makes that decision, but there is also the funeral process, the paperwork, financial burdens, going home every day without ones spouse. There is also your first holiday alone, a birthday, or deciding where to travel on vacation. For my mother, that worst hit her when she checked the box indicating she was a widow it was the first time and she was now on her own.

Grief gets quieter and somehow heavier. It is hard for many to put language around the concept of death and dying. This, for many, is hard to comprehend. Just knowing this version of grief will and does change, even though it will knock you down, somehow, believe me, you will get back up! Your job, right now, is to continue breathing, even though, it seems, debris is falling all around you. It is hard to see others around you, who will go back to their lives, while you explore and begin to understand your old life is never coming back. Widows' grief, after the first year, doesn’t disappear; it just shifts. It can feel lonely and isolated. Often, the second year feels harder than the first. The support has thinned, the shock is gone, and the reality of your loss is ever present. In this time, your grief is moving from survival mode into progressing mode. There is a sense of fear, anxiety, and confusion: now what?

Remind yourself, God hasn’t abandoned you. God cares about you and is with you through your pain.

The Bible tells us, He draws near to the brokenhearted and promises to be your strength and refuge. God can handle raw and honest prayers, so go ahead and let them flow. Healing also happens by connecting with grief groups, supportive friends, and a local church community. As Christians, we turn to scripture for answers and to God for their application. The Bible tells us a lot about God and how he wants us to live. It does not promise God will answer every question beginning with, “why?”

In John 3:15-17 He simply asks you to believe in his son, Jesus. I will admit, I certainly need God; without Him, I would be nothing. In contrast, without me, God remains God.