Thriving

by Tina Y. Gerber-McCurley

Many words have been used to describe the qualities of those who thrive: optimism, hope, resiliency and even gratitude.

What are the elements of resiliency and how can we cultivate resiliency within, especially when caring for a loved one? I struggled to understand and provide my mother with the best possible care. At the same time, there had been many challenges in my personal life, home repairs, and relationships.

Despite the setbacks and complications, I would not change a thing! Perhaps, this is an easy thing to say, now, about our experiences and life together. Living with my mother was the right thing to do. I was blessed to care for her. Life is a complicated maze of thoughts and emotions.

Gratitude is one of the few things we can measure which will psychologically change people's lives. This means, developing the practice of gratitude can radically support and encourage beneficial change in a person's personality. It did for both mine and my mother's. Each of us has can influence one another positively. The challenges of dealing with dementia is not quite the same as dealing with other things, but my desire to care for my mother provided me a different reality. It was at a depth which I would not necessarily have had the opportunity to experience, including the changes gained in us both.

As mother talked, and talked, she wondered why so many could not understand her. Her words seemed so garbled and detached and often fell on deaf ears. I sensed the in-between parts, like that lost sock which disappears in the dryer. I could call dementia a curse, but I would rather be grateful for the blessings we found within. She did have moments of clarity which I still treasure today.

Once, I explained to mother, I had fallen and injured by bad knee, because she was curious about my cane. She wondered for a few moments, then said, "Well if YOU got hurt who would take of ME and YOU?" When I explained, my sister would be cooking her dinner, she said, "It's a good thing I know the numbers of 9-1-1! This back and forth carried with it gratitude for those in our lives. We giggled and laughed. These are cherished memories.

Looking back on life or even looking forward, we can view it as a positive opportunity, a time of loneliness or happiness, a life filled with complications or a series of blissful events shared. The bottom line is, despite any and all opportunities, positive or negative, it boils down to attitude and gratitude of a life spent in love. Thank you God!